User blog:Eyota/Weekly Journal - 2016

9/28/16 -- September 28th, 2016.
I hated today. I hate every day that I walk this ungrateful earth, but today happened to be one of the worst. Here's why.

Yesterday one of my chickens, Unorthodox, one that I had raised up until she got sick, died. She was my favorite; she'd climb on my shoulder like a parrot as I walked around the farm, and she'd cuddle next to me. She also hatched out of her egg in my hand, and thought I was her mother.

That same day one of my chickens broke her jaw completely. We tried to call some Vets, but none were open on Tuesdays, so we decided to call the next day because the chicken didn't seem like she was in much pain.

Today we took her to the vet and found out that they couldn't do anything to help her at all. So we took her home.

At about 6 o'clock, I walked outside. It was raining, but not too heavily, and I walked over to check on Outcast (the chicken with a broken jaw). I knew she had to be in pain: it was bleeding heavily now and it was obviously infected. So I mustered up a feeling.

''This chicken is suffering. If I let the suffering continue, it will be my fault for giving her a miserable last day. ''

And so I decided that instead of letting my neighbor put her down, I would do it myself. I'd raised her up from a chick and had her for five or six years. I would be the first thing that she would see, and the last, too. I didn't want anyone else to know what I was doing or why, so I picked her up and took her down to the chicken coop. I talked to her for a while, trying to calm her down and trying to get her to understand that what I was about to do was for her better sake, and not because I wanted to do this. I knew that she couldn't eat or drink, and that if she wasn't put down she would be suffering and she would be in a lot of pain.

So, I took her to the garage and I set her down gently. I snapped her neck and held her there, and for a while I was okay, until she began to cry out in pain. I cried, yes- it seems weak. I cried. Nobody would understand how it feels to kill something you've lived with almost half of your life. But I did it for her. She's in a better place now. I'll miss her, but I hope she comes to know that I did it for her better good.

I put her in a box and wrote on it: "9.28.16 - RIP, Outcast

Outcast, I will miss you so much. There's not a day I won't think about you, and I hope you come to know that I did this so that you would be better. I miss you and loved you so much more than you would ever know."

And I closed the top of the cardboard box and carried her up to the house. I put her box back in her cage, and tomorrow we will bury her in the back yard where her other siblings were buried.

''None of you know how it feels to lose something you're close to until you've raised it, hand-fed it, and treated it like a child since you met it. None of you know what it's like to be insulted about your chickens and then have them die in front of you. None of you have had to kill your pet on your own, and that is something I hope nobody else has to do.''