Thread:Wølfikitty/@comment-27458579-20170621153534/@comment-28695713-20170621175301

I'm as relaxed as I'll ever be. I was raised not to make mistakes, or I'd face severe consequences. Now, this is my apology for launching into my whole life story like a cliché, but please don't judge me, for this really has nothing to do with you, but I feel like ranting right now.

I'm beaten my mother if I try to give up violin.

Every fucking day, I'm compared to my friends. Examples of that would be ''Why can't you practice longer? You're such a disappointment. Look at her, she's moved up to Philharmonic, and you're just in Sinfonietta.'' They don't directly tell me I'm average, but it's clearly implied. That's why I can't relax. I have to be better whether it's academically, musically, or how I behave because I get punished and stress out I'm not, and now it looks like I'm trying to guilt-trip you, but this is just me venting about my life.

I'm yelled at for crying.

I'm yelled at for wanting to take a break.

I'm yelled at for asking for fucking birthday presents.

I have to earn everything I ask for. My mother won't buy me even the most frivolous things like candy unless I work for it. Same things go for birthday presents. I got Netflix this summer, but they'll take it away if I don't practice two hours along with SAT stuff every day. This is supposed to be my childhood (teenhood?), but they're acting like this is the real world. I guess it's good to prepare, but I also want to have fun and be a kid once in a while.

My parents call me a disappointment, a drama queen, and say that how I behave is bullshit, and they're right. I am a disappointment, a drama queen, and how I behave is bullshit. I don't even want to have a successful life. They want me to have a successful life, but they don't ever tell me that they love me. Just work hard and be diligent.

We're not poor or anything. We live in a large house with an acre of land, but it all feels so superficial. I don't have any friends I can really talk to, so getting it all out online behind a screen is the way I go.

You also might think that I'm making this up, but I swear to you, I'm not, but I also don't want you to want to help me or pity me.

Once again, I'm sorry for irritating y'all and for the life story that you're probably thinking is overrated or dramatic. I just needed to vent, but none of it should be an excuse, so it really was just pointless to type, but I just needed to get it out.