Thread:Eyota/@comment-28731102-20160928234725/@comment-27517989-20160929022527

I know. Thank you, Bouv.. I appreciate it.

It's just, i'm sort of an antisocial freak, which is why i'm so closely connected to my pets. It's sort of weird to say it, but I talk to my chickens like they're humans because nobody in real life would understand what i'm going through. And even if I can't understand what they say to eachother it just kind of soothes me that there's someone- something there to listen to my every day situations. I've raised them all, too, since they were little baby chickens- and I put one of them that I had had for five or six years down today. It was hard, and just thinking about it makes me want to choke on tears.

The fact that some people make fun of me being a "chicken lady" hurts a lot, because they really just do not understand me. They don't understand what it feels like to have social anxiety. My social anxiety is so bad that I won't talk to anyone I don't personally know. In class I only speak when spoken to. I never ask questions if I don't understand what I'm doing and the teacher asks "anyone have any questions?" I hold it back because I feel like people will judge me or laugh at what I have to ask because I don't understand it. I won't ever do that because I don't want to seem weak or unintelligent.

If I even ask a question to anyone (which is rare, and this especially happens when I ask a teacher about something) I end up feeling like i'm about to cry, and I get shaky because I feel like they're going to laugh at me. I probably have this problem because I let everything get to me. That's the same reason I don't wear makeup, because one time in class I wore it and thought it looked good and then people laughed about it and made fun of me. I faked getting sick that day and went home early, claiming that I didn't feel good. It was pep rally day.

That's also why I am so much more social online. People don't judge me on here.. But they judge in real life, oh, they do. I don't share anything with anyone, not even my parents. I don't share my feelings because I have been betrayed and mistrusted too much.

It hurts.