Thread:Poisoned Canine/@comment-32043089-20161011011409

alright, here's the 9,283 paragraph long message I was thinking of writing you

completely ignore this if you want to, but I figured that I'd make you smile (: <3

let me just start out by pointing out the obvious: I love you.

now,

when I say "I love you Sean <3" I don't just mean "I really really like you". I mean it like, I genuinely love you. I adore you, I absolutely admire you

now, people wonder why I practically obsess over you (if they don't know why, they're an imbecile)

the main reason why I completely lose my shit whenever you say "I love you baby <3" is because, well, I absolutely love you to complete pieces, and it means so much to me hearing/reading it coming from you

now, being raised my whole life being told "nobody will ever love you" and constantly being bullied is not the best feeling ever (no shit sherlock @ me)

so, when I hear/read you say that, I know it's genuine. although the people who said those things to me don't know it, I like to think that I've proved them wrong. I've found someone who loves me for me

I used to walk around all the time with the hanging feeling that nobody will ever love me. that I'll never get out of this severe depression mental illness. I was completely wrong, and I've never been so happy being proven wrong

I understand that you don't struggle with the mental illnesses that I do (and I envy that to be honest), and believe me when I say it, it's really not easy. making yourself believe that you'll never be able to be loved, struggling with depression, anxiety, bipolar disorder, ect. really isn't fun. some people think it may be cool because you get attention for it. but, no. It's spending countless days sitting in your room, hysterically sobbing and wishing for your life to be over repeatedly. It also reaches the point where you've attempted to take your life and end it all, which I have done countless times. but, ever since we've gotten together, it hasn't crossed my mind ''once. ''and it isn't a coincidence, it's you who has saved me

now, I'm not looking for pity or anything when I say that. I'm saying that, because you know that I haven't thought about anything about killing myself, or doing anything to myself for the past 2 1/2 months. that's a really long time for somebody who did all of that frequently

you really saved me. even if you don't know it. the thought of you makes me smile like a complete idiot. even if I may not be important to many people, I know that I'm important to you (I sound conceited when I say that LOL I don't mean to). I think about who it would impact if I ever did do anything that severe to myself, and my brothers, parents, and you snap into my mind instantly. I think to myself "I could never do that to them, and cause them that grief".

even if I haven't talked to you for days, I think about you 24/7. you're all I think about. I fall in love with you every single time I see a notification from you, of any kind (a reply to a message. a PM, ect)

I get butterflies every single time you say "I love you <3", or in our late night conversations (

seriously, it's indescribable. there aren't enough words to express my love for you. I know a lot of people think that I may talk about you 24/7 (I actually do LOL), and various people have told me to stop, shut up, or that it gets annoying. but, I don't care. they are unable to understand what I've been through, so when I find someone that has literally saved my life multiple times, I'm pretty sure the person is kinda important

more than kinda

(:

anyways

I aboslutely love our inside jokes, our code names for people, our typos (especially mine LMFAO), all of the memories that we've shared for eachother. I could talk to you for days without getting tired of you

every day while you're at school, I honestly count down the hours to when you'll be home (7:15ish my time, which feels like an eternity). when it gets close to 6:00-6:30, that's when I really don't shut up about you. I honestly count down the hours every single day. I do things that keep my occupied to keep my mind off of the terrible time zone difference that we have inbetween us

I wouldn't change a single thing about you. you're absolutely perfect to me. your personality is amazing, you have a perfect sense of humor, you're incredibly handsome, caring, kind, loving, affectionate, confident, unique, athletic, and so much more. but most importantly, you're my boyfriend

holy lanta, the length of time that I've always wanted to say that about you: my boyfriend

I wish I could tell everybody I know about you (I actually do, but you know what I mean)

I'm just really proud to call you my boyfriend. I love to be able to brag about you, show you off, and let everybody know that you're mine. (even though I can sometimes go overboard LMFAO)

I just, I don't even know anymore. I love you with all of my heart

everytime you get online, or like I said earlier, call me "baby" "babygirl" "princess" "babe", I genuinely feel my heart swell from happiness. and I'm not just saying that. I get such a warm feeling inside of me, and I really do feel my heart get swelled with happiness

and yeah, it's online dating. people frown upon it, but I don't. I don't care if I get judged for it, they can say whatever they want. I have honestly fallen in love with you so many times

also,, I also adore that it's hard to offend you LMFAO. I say some things that would completely insult/trigger certain people *cOUGH YOU KNOW WHO IM TALKING ABOuT*

and the fact that I really don't have a fear of insulting/triggering you when I say certain things, is actually a really great feeling. I don't feel the need to censor the things I say around you because I know that you're really laid back and you don't get offended easily

I think I've covered *most* of what I wanted to say (: like I said, I could talk to you for days and explain why I love you, but this also might take a long time for you to read and,, I don't know LOL

It's completely okay if you skipped past this, I just really wanted to say it

holy mother of pearl holy shit I am in love with you 